Manage your finance as a single person is not an easy task, it becomes even more difficult when couples are trying to successfully manage the family’s money.

Although it will take some work, by being open with your partner about finances and working together to develop a good system for managing your money as a couple, you can not only maintain your couple status, but strengthen it.

While every relationship is different, here are different tips for managing money with your partner in a positive, productive way. Follow through with the tip mentioned in this article and you will successfully manage your money as a family.

• How do Most Couples Manage Money?
• Should Relationships be 50 50 Financially?
• Can Money Ruin a Relationship?

How do Most Couples Manage Money?

Be open about your debt and current financial status.

The most important thing you can do to effectively manage money with your partner is to be as open and honest as possible about the current state of your finances. Letting your partner know about your debts, loans, credit history, spending habits, and money goals can keep an honest stream of communication going, and ensure that there are no unwanted surprises in the future.

Read Also: How to Improve Your Financial Literacy

Before you start filling out a spreadsheet, try to stay in the big picture for a moment. Talking about your feelings around money will help you get a sense of each other’s history and figure out which areas you can grow in together.

Most of us have a bit of insecurity when it comes to personal finance–don’t assume that your partner has everything figured out, just because you don’t feel super confident. You’re both learning, and the more open you can be, the more you can learn together.

If you’re planning on managing finances together with your partner, this is not a time to keep secrets. You’ll want to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you know you have a tendency to overspend when you’re stressed–that’s something you’ll want to share with your partner.

If you’re like many couples, this might be the first time you’re really talking about this stuff. It’s okay to feel a little awkward! Lean into the awkwardness and make a date of it: Go to your favorite coffee shop or pizza place with the goal of talking openly about your finances. If you’re the planning type, maybe jot down a few questions or topics you want to chat about.

Here are some questions to consider when talking about managing your finances as a couple:

• How do you feel about your relationship with money?
• Did you have good financial role models growing up?
• Where did you learn what you know about personal finance?
• What areas/topics do you feel like you could learn more about?
• Do you have any big picture financial goals?

Once you’ve had that conversation (take your time with it!), then you can dive more into the details. How do you currently manage finances as a couple? How much are you making each month, how much do you owe, and how much are your monthly bills? Have you been saving? Depending on how much of your finances you’re planning on sharing, you might want to talk about your:

• Income
• Student loans
• Car loans
• Mortgage loans
• Personal loans
• Credit history
• Credit card debt
• Insurance costs
• Other monthly bills
• Savings
• Emergency funds
• Retirement accounts

Talk about shared goals as a couple

Talking about your monthly expenses and debt can sometimes feel a little heavy. But there’s a very fun part of managing money as a couple, and that’s this: When you work together to manage your money well, you can start to work towards bigger, and better goals!

One way to keep your money conversations positive, is to keep them focused on the shared goals you have as a couple. These can be short-term, long-term, or whatever “term” you feel excited about.

Maybe it’s to finally be debt-free, to go on a romantic getaway together, or to make some updates to your home. Do you want to retire early? Move abroad? Change careers? Buy a few acres in the middle of nowhere?

Setting goals on which large purchases you want to make with your partner can not only allow you to communicate what you see in your future but can also allow you to save for them together. Working together to develop and work towards a common goal can help strengthen your relationship and make your goals come true faster.

However, during these conversations, you may figure out that you have different long-term financial goals than your partner. If they’re not totally irreconcilable, talk through how you can work through them to make your relationship with your money and your partner function more smoothly.

Consider having two bank accounts each

Opening a joint bank account is a great idea when you’ve decided to share finances, and it’s a step many married couples choose to take after exchanging vows. However, giving control of all of your money to another person can be not only risky, but cause avoidable fights.

Consider opening up one Shared Account and one individual account for income that you wouldn’t otherwise spend on things involving the other person. This can ensure you to work together towards goals and be open about money, while retaining a little bit more of your individuality and control over your finances.

Establish a joint budget

Deciding how much you will both spend on day-to-day things like eating out and groceries can not only help you stay on track with your savings, it can also stop you from having money squabbles, too. If you have a Shared Account with Simple, you can set up Expenses for your monthly bills, so you can rest easy knowing your essentials are covered.

Divide your financial responsibilities

Another way to ensure that sharing finances don’t end in a disaster is to have an honest conversation about sharing financial responsibilities. Who is responsible for making the rent payment on time? How much should you each pay for utilities?

Being clear about who pays for—and who facilitates—each bill can help you to work out what is fair and who is in charge of each bill. This can help minimize late payments (and their associated fees!), surprise expenses and of course, fighting.

Make it a date

Once you develop a system, it’s easy to let things go into autopilot. But as seasons change, your expenses, income, and goals might change too—so it’s important to check in regularly to make sure your financial plan is still on the right track. Put a reminder on your calendar to go through your account each month, maybe at a different pizza place each time?

Managing money as a couple can feel hard, but it doesn’t have to be painful. Focus on keeping communication open, honest, and frequent, and preventing issues before they happen. Remember that it’s a process and that you’re both learning!

How do you Handle Finances in a Relationship?

One of the biggest causes of problems in relationships is the differences in values and goals and habits when it comes to money, and especially communication about money issues. Money can’t buy you love, but it sure can tear it apart.

in two simple steps: learn how to talk about money, and learn to align your financial goals. If you can do those two things, you’ve done more than most couples, and you’ve done a lot to keep your relationship on solid ground.

Sit down and talk about financial goals and values

Many couples often neglect this step, even if it seems obvious and common-sensical. But because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, they leave these important things unsaid and often don’t even think about it individually.

They have goals and values when it comes to money, but they’re not examined. That’s a mistake, as one person might want to be frugal in order to save for future goals, while the other might like to spend and enjoy things now, while the getting is good.

The differences often come from different upbringings, and they can be emotionally charged (see next step for more on this). It doesn’t have to be difficult, though. Just tell your partner you’d like to sit down and have a talk about the future — what your goals are and how you can work together, as a team, to achieve them. In the beginning, just start spitting out different things each of you wants — a house, kids, college education for the kids, a healthy emergency fund, nice cars, travel each year, nice clothes, gadgets and computers, etc.

Then start to prioritize, and see if you can come up with things in common. If you want different things, it is important that you talk about why, and consider the other person’s desires.

If that’s what makes the other person happy, you should want to make them happy — that’s the basis of a good relationship. But relationships aren’t one-sided, either, so you should be able to be happy too.

The point is that both sides should be considered, and you should look for a win-win solution or compromise so that you can both be happy. It might take a few meetings to get to actual written goals, with a timeframe for each, but that’s where you want to be eventually.

Remove emotions from financial talk

From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks, it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively.

Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feel hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more.

These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical.

Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth.

Also, try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.

Come up with a plan to meet your goals

Once you’re able to come up with common financial goals (a huge step — celebrate!), you need a plan to get you there. This will take into account your joint income, your debt, your savings, how much you can put towards debt and/or saving each month, whether you want to cut back on certain things in order to meet your savings goals, how long you want to give yourself to meet financial goals, and so forth.

Start by having a definite timeframe for each goal, and then figure out how much you need to save (or pay towards debt) each month to get to your goals. Create a spending plan (if you haven’t yet) for each month, and see if you can adjust it to meet that monthly goal.

You might need to cut back on some things, or earn extra income, or both. Or you might discover that your goals aren’t realistic and you need to cut back on them, reprioritize, or push them back a bit in order to meet them. This plan to meet your goals is how you will align your daily and monthly spending with your long-term goals.

It’s also a great way to resolve minor short-term disputes — you should definitely buy fewer shoes, and I should buy fewer video games, so we can buy that house in three years and travel to Europe in two years.

Develop a system for finances that works for both of you

In order to put your financial plan into action, you’ll need to figure out how you’re going to pay your bills, pay debt, deposit into savings, have money for various spending needs (like gas and groceries and eating out), and so forth.

Someone will have to take responsibility for each part of the system (it’s better if you’re both involved, but you should find what works best for you as a couple). One person might go to the bank while the other updates your financial program (like Quicken or Money) or your checking register to make sure you’re in balance, for example.

Have weekly financial meetings

This is very important, and it’s a step that many couples overlook. Just because you have common financial goals and a plan and a system doesn’t mean that everything is fine. If one person takes responsibility for the finances, for example, and the other is out of the loop, then there will likely be problems down the road.

There are several couples like this — one partner took care of the finances and the other was blissfully ignorant … until it was revealed that they were way behind on payments and would soon have to file for bankruptcy.

That wasn’t a good time in their relationship. To prevent problems like this, have a weekly meeting where you sit down and talk about finances.

You can review your accounts, your spending plan, what is coming up in the next few weeks that you’ll need to budget for, any problem areas, what to do with your annual bonus, where you are with your goals, and so forth. Make sure you’re both caught up on everything, and that you’re working well as a team.

Above all, stay positive and be honest

Remember: you’re a team. You have the same goals and you want each other to be happy. Team members can help each other out and encourage each other, or they can rip the team apart by being negative, by blaming, by working against common goals.

If you always stay positive, you’ll succeed as a team. Be encouraging, stay focused on solutions not blame, and make sure love is the foundation of everything you do.

Should Relationships be 50 50 Financially?

Whether it’s through marriage or cohabitation, there comes a point in most serious relationships when we start talking bank accounts and savings accounts, investment strategies and retirement plans. And the big question: Should we split our bills 50-50?

Here’s the thing: Life is complicated, and money is messy. You make more than they do. They have more debt than you do. You have student loans to pay; they have child support payments to keep up with. You’re joining lives, but combining assets might be the most complicated part of that exercise.

Because while your relationship might be a 50-50 commitment, your money most likely is not. But by maintaining honest, open communication about your expenses and income, creating a plan that works for both of you despite your money baggage and being fixed on a shared goal, you can avoid the No. 1 reason relationships fail in the first place: fights about money.

In a study by Kansas State University, researchers found that arguing about money is “by far” the top predictor of whether a couple will get divorced. Those arguments tend to take longer to recover from and are more intense, researchers said.

They also often last much longer than fights over the kids, sex or in-laws. So, whether you’re just moving to the financial part of your relationship or you’ve been charting the waters for a while, here’s how you can ensure fairness and avoid financial surprises.

Yours, Mine and Ours

In two-income couples, the easiest setup is to have individual accounts where both partners maintain their own assets but then have a joint account that both fund to pay shared expenses.

It’s the least complicated way to share the financial burden of day-to-day expenses while maintaining financial independence, says Emily Sanders, managing director of United Capital Financial Advisers in Atlanta.

“We’ve worked with couples from age 22 to 92,” Sanders says. “And some of the most happily married couples I’ve seen are ones that kept their money separate for their entire marriage. It takes away some of the power and control issues that tend to be associated with how we use our money.”

A joint account requires transparency, mutual trust and shows a shared commitment toward a common goal. Sanders also recommends adding each other’s names to the apartment lease or house deed.

This increases the equity in the relationship and avoids the “his house” or “her apartment” language. It’s yours together now, both the pleasure and the responsibility.

What if one makes more?

Odds are that you and your partner will earn different salaries, and those amounts might vary wildly. So is it fair in that case to split the mortgage 50-50? No. “Fair doesn’t necessarily mean equal,” says Kelley Long, member of the National CPA Financial Literacy Commission.

Instead, Long says, do some math. Make a list of all your combined expenses: housing, taxes, insurance, utilities. Then talk salary. If you make $60,000 and your partner makes $40,000, then you should pay 60 percent of that total toward the shared expenses and your partner 40 percent. For instance, if the rent is $1,000, you pay $600 and your partner contributes $400.

To do this fairly and equitably, have both you and your partner set up a direct deposit from your individual accounts to the shared joint account for your agreed share of the expenses. And then review the bank statement each month for that account as well as the bills that are coming in. Change happens.

The cable bill goes up; the gas bill is higher than expected. Be ready to adapt to changes and keep some money in reserve in your personal accounts to cover any unexpected overages.

Deciding who pays for what

In the simplest terms, your budget discussion starts with the question: What are our shared expenses? The mortgage, electric and gas bill are given. But then how do you handle her student loan payments? The loan for the car you bought way before you knew your partner? The balance on your credit card bill?

These are individual decisions, but solutions happen by talking this out. If your partner has a lot of debt, maybe you offer to help her out with the payments so she can set herself free sooner, thus creating a shared goal. Or maybe you take on a larger percentage of the household expenses, thus freeing her to tackle her debt payments.

If your partner insists on paying her bills by herself, maybe you can be the one to pay for the “fun” stuff from your personal account, such as dinners out, so as to ease the burden in other ways.

Saving for the future

Your savings plan should be the result of a joint decision based on your long-term and short-term goals. Maybe your short-term goal is to take a vacation next year and your long-term goal is to buy a house. Make sure your partner not only knows about these plans, but is on board with them. When you’re both saving toward the same goal, you will get there faster.

Commit to a saving level you are both comfortable with and then deposit that amount in a joint savings account each month.

When you figure out how much you are both saving, don’t forget to take into account your 401(k) contributions, which are automatically deducted from your paycheck. If you are putting 5 percent in your 401(k) and your partner is only putting 2 percent, have a discussion about how you will both meet your retirement goals, and whether those contributions need to be modified.

How to invest

You might want to be very aggressive in your investing while your partner is content to keep his money in a low-risk, low-interest-bearing, savings account. If that’s the case, sitting down with an investment adviser could be the best way to find middle ground, says Sanders. “You need to view your investments simultaneously to ensure that you’re not duplicating efforts and that your overall investment strategy is consistent and makes sense.“

Whether you seek outside help or not, you should both be aware of where your money is invested, how well those investments have done and have a shared plan for retirement. Do you dream of retiring at 55 but your spouse has been planning his retirement strategy on working long beyond that? Unless you communicate those issues you will have a surprise waiting for you at your retirement party (and not a good one).

Managing money isn’t just about figuring out how to share the expenses. It’s also about making sure the duties of money management are equally distributed. “I have without exception never met anyone where there wasn’t one partner being the money manager and the other just kind of knowing what’s happening,” says Long.

“And it is easier to have one person do the tracking. But where it can be impractical is where one person maintains willful ignorance about how their habits are affecting the family finances.”

For that reason, Long recommends couples have regular money meetings. They can be weekly, monthly or quarterly, but regardless, the person who is in charge of paying the bills and managing the accounts shouldn’t be the only person who knows how much money there is, where it’s going and where it’s kept.

Can Money Ruin a Relationship?

Finding someone you’re compatible with is hard enough, but when you throw finances into the mix, things can become even more difficult — especially since so many couples make big mistakes when it comes to handling their joint finances. 

The good news is that you can avoid the types of money issues that are common relationship killers. You just need to know what those issues are and make a plan to ensure they don’t affect your love for one another. Here are five big ones you should watch out for. 

1. Financial infidelity

Financial infidelity, or dishonesty about money issues, is one of the biggest potential relationship killers of all — yet it’s an extremely common problem. In fact, a survey by The Ascent of 1,000 individuals in committed relationships revealed that 71% have committed financial infidelity at least once. 

Financial infidelity can take many forms, from lying about purchases or hiding them to being dishonest about assets. The problem is that it can cause serious relationship problems in any form. If your partner finds out you’re lying about money, he or she is far less likely to trust you when it comes to other aspects of your relationship. 

Plus, dishonesty about finances could lead to problems such as hidden credit card debt that delays common relationship milestones such as buying a home together. 

Financial infidelity is something both partners should agree never to engage in. You need to find a way to talk about money openly with your partner so that neither of you feels the need to lie to the other about purchases, assets, or any other aspects of your shared financial life. 

2. Being too controlling or judgmental

Money is a very sensitive issue for many people, which is why neither control nor judgment is helpful when making joint financial decisions.  

Unfortunately, it’s very common for one or both partners to try to impose limits on their beloved.  In fact, The Ascent’s research also revealed that 65% of men and 47% of women have wanted to make a purchase that his or her partner wouldn’t allow.  

No one likes to be told what to do or feel like their partner isn’t respecting their choices. So the feeling that your relationship is stopping you from buying what you want inevitably leads to major problems. In fact, 82% of couples have argued over a purchase, and hiding a purchase or hiding a purchase price were the leading examples of financial infidelity in The Ascent’s survey. 

This doesn’t mean that you should each spend money arbitrarily on irresponsible purchases or that you should be OK with your partner being careless about spending. But it is important for you to allow your partner some leeway. 

Try to decide on a set amount of money that each partner can spend with no questions asked, and don’t judge the things your partner wants to buy. You may not understand why a particular purchase is important, but that doesn’t give you the right to veto it if is something that matters to your partner and you can make it work within your budget. 

3. Not talking about your finances regularly

If talking about money leads to fights, you may be tempted to just avoid the issue altogether. Unfortunately, this is a big mistake that is guaranteed to lead to problems down the line.

Instead, you and your partner should have regular conversations about your finances. These conversations should be about setting joint financial goals, working together to create a budget that works for you, and finding ways that you can both be happy about how you’re spending and saving. 

Set aside time for these conversations — once a month is usually good — and go into them with an open mind and a willingness to listen. 

4. Refusing to compromise

The old saying that opposites attract is often true for finances. Spenders frequently get together with savers, and planners frequently partner with people who are much more impulsive than they are. 

This can actually be a good thing if you’re willing to respect each other’s different attitudes toward money and find shared common ground because you can balance each other out. But it won’t work if neither of you are willing to compromise.

Read Also: Ways you can Improve Your Relationship With Money

Both partners need to recognize that being in a couple means not always getting their way when it comes to money. Instead, keep discussing big financial issues until you find an agreement that works for both partners. Your relationship is worth the effort. 

5. Failing to set joint financial goals

Finally, it’s important for couples to have agreed-upon financial goals to work toward. 

Setting joint financial goals can help you make decisions about other aspects of your financial life, such as how much you’re each able to spend on fun purchases. If you both believe in what you’re trying to achieve, neither of you should feel constrained by the sacrifices necessary to make those goals a reality.

Conclusion

Good communication before and after tying the knot can dull the blow of bad financial news and lead to honest exchanges about each partner’s money anxieties, habits, skeletons in the closet, and expectations. If you’re thinking about entering into what you hope is a lifelong relationship, you and your partner owe each other such a discussion.

Lack of communication is the source of many marital issues. This space is where the hard work of marriage often lives. Like common health problems, financial anxieties—if not addressed—can become far bigger problems with much more difficult solutions.

The best way to be sure you and your spouse are on the same page with your joint finances is to talk about them regularly, honestly, and without judgment. Don’t do it when you’re mad, tired, or intoxicated.

Some couples may even find it helpful to schedule a time once a month, once a quarter, or once a year to check in on short- and long-term goals. They may even want to enlist the help of a financial advisor or planner for impartial advice.