Job loss and unemployment hit their victims hard. When people lose their jobs, they also lose a significant component of their identity, along with their daily routines and financial security. Job loss and unemployment upend people’s feelings of self-worth, comfort, security, and personal control.

“In the current economic environment, job loss is a serious trauma,” says Stuart Schneiderman, a former psychoanalyst who’s now an executive coach. “People are terrified that they aren’t going to get a new job.”

An individual who experiences job loss reacts to it the way he’d react to any other major trauma, adds Schneiderman, whether the death of a close family member, a divorce or a car accident: They feel defeated, demoralized, a sense of loss, disoriented, worthless, rejected and scared.

Today’s merciless job searches compound people’s feelings of fear and worthlessness. The lack of feedback job seekers receive from recruiters and employers—despite the efforts they exert—leads them to doubt their value.

“When an $8-an-hour HR intern doesn’t return your e-mails, you start to think: Was I a good programmer? Was I a good strategist? Was I a good operations manager,” says Jason Alba, the founder of the JibberJobber career management software and blog, who was unemployed four years ago. “I remember questioning everything, all the things I had brought to the table.”

The emotions job seekers experience, while normal in context, can spiral into paralyzing depression. Mental health experts say negative, self-defeating thoughts take over people’s minds and govern their behavior. People over-eat or under-eat, sleep too much or too little. When depression sets in, conducting a job search and crawling out of unemployment grows even harder.

“If you’re working eight to 10 hours a day [at your job search]…getting bad results, you’re not going to be in the right mind frame to send out that next e-mail or make that next call,” says Alba.

However, to help you better cope with all these challenges, we have put together some advice or suggestions that can help you.

• Top 10 Advice to Job Seekers and People who have Lost their Jobs
• What to say to a Person who Lost their Job?
• What should you include in a message to someone who got fired?
• What to do if you Lose your Job and have no Money?
• How can Losing your Job Affect you?
• Is it Better to be Fired or to Quit?

Top 10 Advice to Job Seekers and People who have Lost their Jobs

If you fall into any of the categories mentioned above, whether you are searching for a job or you just lost your job, we recognize that it can really be a trying time for you. However, there are some tips that can help you cope better with the current situation. Here are some of them.

1. Maintain a Routine. When you lose your job, you lose a lot of structure in your life. It’s easy to sleep late every morning and to put off your job search, but those are some of the most unconstructive behaviors you can indulge in. The extra time in bed can lead to self-pity and self-punishment, says Schneiderman.

Read Also: 25 Gig Economy Jobs Smart People are Using to Make Extra Money

Instead, think of your job search as your new job and devote eight hours a day, five days a week to it. Shower and get dressed first thing every morning.

“Maintain as many of your work habits as you can,” says Schneiderman. “Keep your life structured and organized. If you let it go, it becomes chaotic and erratic.”

2. Exercise. Unemployment is stressful and scary. Exercise relieves stress, and the endorphin rush it creates is a proven mood-booster.

George Moraetes, an information security executive who has not been able to find steady work in two years, takes long walks or jogs when his job search or pressure from his family gets him down. “Physical activity helps a lot,” he says. “It is the best anti-depressant. You feel better. You feel energized.”

3. Keep a Job Search Journal. One of the most frustrating aspects of today’s job searches is the lack of feedback from employers and recruiters, say unemployed IT executives. It makes them feel like they’re not making any progress, like they have no control over their employment situation, and those feelings sometimes cause them to question why they’re bothering to send out résumés and attend networking events.

Keeping a job search journal, in which you record such activities as the calls you make, the job opportunities you discover, the résumés you send and the people you meet at networking events, can help job seekers see all the effort they’re making, says Lisa Caldas Kappesser, an executive coach and author of The Smart New Way to Get Hired: Use Emotional Intelligence and Land the Right Job (JIST 2010).

This arduous work may not be leading to a job yet, but job seekers can at least feel good about themselves knowing they’re doing everything in their power to find a new job.

A job search journal also helps seekers show their families, who may not understand how difficult a job search is, exactly what they’re doing and what they’ve accomplished, adds Kappesser.

4. Reach Out to People. It’s normal not to want to socialize after a job loss has bruised your ego, but since you never know where your next job opportunity might come from, being open with people about your employment situation is in your best interest.

“Don’t keep your job loss a secret,” says Schneiderman. “When people give you advice, take it—as long as it’s not idiotic or insane.”

Kappesser recommends seeking out positive people and avoiding negative people.

5. Attend a Support Group. Lou Bonica, an IT and operations executive now in month seven of his job search, says he initially fought going to support groups for unemployed executives. “I thought they were going to be pity parties,” he says.

He was proven wrong. “When you’re in a room with some very accomplished, brilliant people, you realize a layoff is not what it used to be,” says Bonica. “It’s not because you did something bad. You’re just a victim of circumstance.”

JibberJobber’s Alba says networking and support groups for unemployed executives alleviated his loneliness and improved his self-esteem, which took a beating after he was laid off from his job as a general manager of a software company in early 2006. “Listening to all these executives in transition helped my perspective,” says Alba. “It helped me realize that I wasn’t alone, and that I wasn’t in this situation because I was a loser.”

6. Participate in Productive Distractions. If you need a break from the drudgery and thanklessness of your job search, you can engage in activities that don’t involve résumés but that still complement your effort to find a new job.

Alba recommends doing volunteering work—not necessarily with a nonprofit, but with a for-profit company. Volunteering one’s time or expertise at established businesses enables people to keep their skills sharp, be around other people and network with employees inside the company, says Alba.

He recommends introducing yourself to everyone in the company who walks by so you can build new relationships. When you have a job interview or a job prospect at another employer, he adds, you can ask the people where you’re volunteering if they know anyone at the company where you’re applying.

And don’t worry about giving away your know-how for free, says Alba. The potential benefits of volunteering for for-profit companies outweigh the risks. (Notably, Alba’s current full-time job, JibberJobber, began as his job search distraction.)

Bonica has offered his Web 2.0 savvy to outplacement groups, where he’s delivered presentations on how to use social media in one’s job search. Giving back makes him feel good: “It made me feel like I was doing work again,” he says.

Starting the blog, A CIO’s Voice, was Arun Manansingh’s productive distraction during his recent 17-month job search.

“Sending out massive amounts of résumés and not getting feedback was really heart-breaking,” says Manansingh, now CIO of The Judlau Companies. “Starting the blog took my mind away from looking for a job. It helped me get myself back out there.” (Though newly employed, Manasingh continues to update A CIO’s Voice.)

The blog also helped him network, and it led to job prospects. Other unemployed executives found his blog and contacted him. They became friends and got together on a weekly basis for lunch or via conference call. Manansingh says the CIOs he met through his blog became a powerful support network.

7. Seek Inspiration. David Krull, who’s been forced to cobble together contract IT project management work since 2002 because of the economy, watches inspirational movies and listens to motivational tapes to keep his spirits up. His favorites include Rudy, Mr. Holland’s Opus and The Secret. A Christian, Krull is also a big proponent of prayer as a way to stay centered and grounded in an uncertain world.

8. Persevere. “To overcome trauma, you have to understand what it does to the mind,” says Schneiderman. “A trauma warps your judgment. You can’t rely on your personal judgment any more. You can’t trust your instincts. You can’t trust your feelings. Once you’ve been through a trauma, your mind goes into trauma avoidance mode.”

In other words, your mind may lead you toward not finding another job. Consequently, Schneiderman says you need to do the opposite of what you feel like doing: You need to persevere. “A lot of dealing with trauma is forcing yourself to do what’s right,” he says, “when your mind is telling you that you really just want to stay in bed.”

IT executives say they’ve had days when they didn’t feel like getting out of bed because their job searches were going so poorly. On days like that, Manansingh says he recognized what he was feeling and knew the best antidote was to get out of the house and meet people for lunch.

9. Get Professional Help. Don’t wait until you’re deeply depressed to get help. “The minute you feel yourself falling into a rut, call someone,” says Schneiderman. “The more you get into these things, the more difficult it is to get out of them.”

The challenge for people who’ve lost their jobs, however, is that they may not be able to afford professional help when they need it because they no longer have health insurance, says Moraetes, the information security executive. What’s more, he adds, because they may be experiencing symptoms of depression for the first time in their lives, they don’t know how to deal with it or where to go for help.

Adam Russo, a licensed social worker and executive director of Edgewood Clinical Services in Naperville, Ill., says nonprofit mental health centers and county mental health agencies may provide counseling services for free or at a reduced rate. “The hard part is,” he says, “these agencies are waitlisted a mile long.”

Russo recommends looking into organizations such as the Easter Sales, Catholic Charities and the United Way to find local groups that offer pro bono counseling services.

Kappesser, who is also a licensed social worker, notes that private practices often work on a sliding scale. “If you call and share with the intake worker that you are feeling depressed and needing help, often they will triage you and get you in to see a doctor,” she says.

10. Maintain Work-Life Balance. The more your self-worth and identity is tied up in your job, the harder job loss will hit you psychologically. So when you return to work, make a concerted effort to live a more balanced life. Don’t let your job consume you. Get more involved with your family and community. “Find ways to define yourself other than your job,” says Russo, “because once that’s gone, what do you have left?”

What to say to a Person who Lost their Job?

Here are some examples of things you can say to console someone that is dealing with the loss of a job:

1. What can I do to help?

Even if they are initially unable to determine or communicate their needs, asking this question is a great way to show your friend that you want to support them. Aside from asking them for specific actions they would like you to take, you can initiate help by offering to be a job reference, attending a networking event with them or introducing them to professional connections.

2. What do you need from me?

Though advice can be helpful, sometimes it fails to meet a person’s immediate needs. This question allows your colleague or friend to think about their needs and ask for what will be truly beneficial in that moment.

3. You are strong. I believe in you.

When someone is experiencing a career setback, it can be helpful to remind them of their ability to overcome obstacles. Talk about your friend’s resilience, decision-making skills and past successes to reassure them.

4. Do you want to meet up?

When someone loses their job, they can easily become socially withdrawn and isolated. This is especially true if a large part of their social circle consisted of coworkers. You can encourage your friend to remain connected and active by asking them to leave the house. They will also likely be living on a budget due to their unemployment, so suggest inexpensive activities such as buying them lunch, grabbing a coffee or going on a hike together.

5. Would you like to talk about it?

Some people may prefer distractions over discussions. Providing them with an option is a great way to ensure that you are supporting them and listening to their needs, regardless of what they may be.

6. I understand how you must be feeling. That has to be hard.

Validating your friend’s feelings is one of the most important things you can do to console them after being fired. It communicates that you hear, understand and empathize with them, free of judgment.

7. I’m so sorry. I know how much time and effort you put in there.

When a friend has lost their job, it’s important that you let them know that you understand. Instead of providing them with advice or trying to cheer them up, allow them to mourn.

8. How are you feeling?

Your friend is probably feeling a lot of emotions, such as anger, sadness, confusion and maybe even joy or relief. Sometimes the best thing that you can do is just listen as they explore everything that they are feeling as a result of being fired.

9. I’m here for you. Call me anytime.

Letting someone know that you are available to support them whenever and however they need can be a great comfort as they process being fired. Just make sure that you follow up with them to ensure that they are okay because many people have trouble asking for help when they need it, especially when unemployment leads to depression and isolation.

10. I know this must be difficult, but you will get through this.

After someone is fired, they can very easily begin to feel discouraged. One of the best ways to be there for your friend is by reminding them that they are strong and have a great deal of potential.

What should you include in a message to someone who got fired?

Here are some things to incorporate or avoid when talking to someone that has just been fired:

1. Communicate that you are available to listen. One of the most important things that you can do for a friend or colleague who has just been fired is to simply be there for them and actively listen. That means maintaining eye contact and offering verbal and nonverbal encouragement as they express their feelings of sadness, anger or even relief.

2. Provide emotional support. Because many people correlate their job with their sense of self-worth, being fired can lead to emotional turmoil. It’s important that you let your friend, family member or colleague know that you are there for them if they need to talk or cry. It’s also often helpful to remind them that they are still valuable and talented, regardless of their employment status.

3. Remind them that there are other possibilities. Many notable, influential figures had major setbacks before becoming successful. It can be helpful to remind your friend or colleague that, despite the current circumstances, they will overcome adversity and find many opportunities in the future.

4. Avoid pressuring them to figure out their next step. Though it’s beneficial to remind someone who has been fired that they will overcome this setback, avoid suggesting what they could or should do. Your colleague will inevitably need some time to adjust to being unemployed before they can contemplate what they should do next.

5. Offer your assistance. You can offer your friend tangible forms of support, such as helping them figure out how to get reimbursed for existing work expenses, access their unused paid vacation or navigate their health insurance coverage. Then, when they are ready, you can also offer to help them with their job search by actively searching for opportunities and proofreading their resume and cover letter.

6. Continue to be there for them. Even if they need time and space at first, make sure that your friend knows that you are there for them. If and when they are ready, you can schedule inexpensive and fun activities to enjoy together.

What to do if you Lose your Job and have no Money?

It’s emotional and traumatic to be laid off, and even worse to be fired. You’re out of work, you’re out of a paycheck, and you will lose the bond you have with your co-workers because it won’t ever really be the same again even though you’ll promise to stay in touch. It’s painful.

Give yourself some time to mourn a bit, especially if you loved your job. It’s a loss, and giving yourself some time and space to grieve will help. Then you need to get practical and get over it. The quicker you get a job search up and running, the faster you’ll be thinking about your new job instead of the one you lost. Here’s what to do next.

1. File for unemployment

If you lose your job through no fault of your own, you should be eligible for unemployment. Depending on the circumstances, you may be eligible even if you were fired. Here’s what you need to know about filing for unemployment.

2. Check on health insurance options

Check with your manager or your Human Resources department on options for continuing health insurance coverage or investigate options for getting a new policy to cover you while you’re out of work.

3. Figure out what to do with your retirement plan

What happens to your retirement plan varies on the type of plan you have. Here’s information on what happens to your pension plan and what happens to a 401(k) when you leave your job.

4. Work on a personal budget

Your unemployment check is going to be less than your paycheck, so think about how you can save some money. It’s also going to last for a much shorter time because many states have cut back the number of weeks of unemployment they provide.

5. Sign up for 30 Days to a New Job

If finances are an issue, and they are for many unemployed workers, you are going to need to hustle a bit. Get the 30 Days to a New Job program online. It will help you stay motivated and keep your job search on track.

6. Google yourself

Search for your name on Google to see what potential employers are going to view when they check you out. Make sure everything that comes up in the search results is appropriate. The “grandma rule” applies here. You don’t want hiring managers or recruiters to see anything that you wouldn’t want your grandmother to see.

7. Clean up your social media accounts

Your social media pages are probably going to be on the list of what shows up when you search for yourself. Be sure that all your posts are fit for the public to see. If not, clean them up and adjust your privacy settings. On the flip side, it’s important to have a solid social presence for many jobs, so be sure you’re making the best impression.

8. Revamp your resume

Before you start applying for jobs, take the time to update your resume. Your resume is going to be read by the applicant tracking systems (ATS) that employers use as well as by hiring managers. Be sure to include your most relevant skills and match your qualifications to the job. That will give you the best shot at getting selected for an interview.

9. Update your LinkedIn profile

If you’re applying for professional positions, you’re going to be checked out on LinkedIn. Update your LinkedIn profile, making sure all the information matches what is on your resume.

10. Connect with your network

his is a good time to connect with your network. Use LinkedIn, your college alumni network, and your professional and personal networks to help your job search. Ask your connections to let you know if they come across jobs that would be a good fit.

11. Get references

While you’re connecting with your network, consider who would be good to use for a reference. That’s especially important if you were fired. Line up a few references now, so they can expect a call when you start interviewing.

12. Check job listings

Now that you’ve got many of the pieces of the job search puzzle in place, start checking out job listings and applying for jobs. Use job search engines like Indeed.com to get job postings from many different online sources with just a few clicks.

13. Focus your job search

Use the advanced search options to focus on job listings that are a match for your interests and skills, and in a location where you want to work. Don’t waste your time applying for jobs that aren’t a good fit. This is a competitive job market, and if you’re not qualified you aren’t going to be considered.

14. Write targeted cover letters

Don’t skimp when it comes to your job applications. Your cover letters need to make a compelling case as to why you should be hired. Use your cover letters to show the reader, at a glance, why you are the best-qualified person for the job.

15. Find out what you’re worth

You’re most likely going to be asked about salary when you interview. Your salary history is important, and so are your salary expectations. Do you have a minimum amount that you need to get by? What should be you be earning?

Use salary reports, like those offered by PayScale.com, so you don’t sell yourself short if an employer is looking to hire cheap. Be prepared to negotiate salary, so you can ensure what you agree to is fair.

16. Get an interview outfit (or two) ready

Expect to have at least a couple of interviews for every job you apply for. Some may be on the phone or via video. Others will be on-site, so be prepared to dress appropriately for the job and company you’re interviewing with.

17. Practice interviewing

The best way to prepare for an interview is to practice, practice again, and then practice some more. Review the most common interview questions employers ask, so you’re prepared to answer.

Check out some tips on how to rehearse at home, and for how to prepare for a job interview so you make the best impression. Be prepared for a virtual interview – many employers are moving the hiring process online. Also be prepared to answer interview questions about why you left your job.

18. Say thank you and follow up

Manners matter. In fact, they can make a difference in whether you get a second interview or even a job offer. Take the time to follow up and thank your interviewers.

19. Don’t get discouraged

You are probably going to not hear back from more employers than you expected. Unfortunately, many companies don’t bother to notify applicants who weren’t selected. The interview process may be much longer than you anticipated.

You may be asked to interview three or four, or even more times, before a hiring decision is made. Expect this to take a while, and try not to feel down if you don’t get hired right away. It’s not you – the employer is looking for the candidate who is the best fit. It’s better, even though it may not feel that way, not to get hired than to have a job that doesn’t work out.

20. Don’t be afraid to ask for help

Finally, and most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Friends and family will be glad to assist, but they can’t if they don’t know that you need assistance.

Whether you need a loan, a ride, a babysitter, someone to proofread your job application materials, or an outfit to borrow to wear to an interview, don’t hesitate to ask.

How can Losing your Job Affect you?

Along with the increased risk of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and more, losing your job can have additional negative consequences.

Income

Losing a job has the immediate consequence of loss of income, which, if you don’t receive a generous severance package or have significant savings, can cause stress, damage to your credit and other negative consequences.

In some cases, your employer may provide a severance package equivalent to several weeks or months of pay, but if you’re fired for cause, you may not be eligible for severance pay.

Losing your job due to firing can also limit your ability to collect unemployment benefits in some states; for example, if you’re fired for theft or insubordination, you may not be eligible for unemployment. Even if you do qualify for and collect unemployment benefits, your weekly pay will only be a percentage of your previous salary.

Benefits

In addition to affecting your income, losing your job also affects your access to benefits. Unless you qualify to purchase health insurance through COBRA – which is often expensive — you’ll lose any health insurance benefits when you lose your job.

While you can keep any retirement accounts you’ve established with the employer, if the employer matched your contributions and you leave before those contributions are fully vested, you’ll lose the matching contributions. Depending on how long you’ve been employed, that could translate into thousands of dollars. Losing your job can also end your access to other benefits, such as gym memberships, tuition reimbursement and child care.

Career

If you lose your job when the hiring market is tight, it can take months or even a year or more to find another position. Depending on your industry, your position and where you live, it may be necessary to take a job at a lower level or even an entirely different industry to earn an income.

Taking such a position can affect your career momentum. Unless you take steps to stay current on the changes and growth within your industry, losing your job can affect your ability to compete with other applicants. If you’re fired for cause, you’ll most likely be unable to use that employer as a reference on other applications.

Physical and Emotional Health

Losing your job, especially if it is unexpected, can be emotionally harmful as well. You may feel a sense of disappointment, failure or hopelessness, especially if finding another job proves to be difficult. The loss of income and job security can lead to worry and anxiety and strain family relationships.

Without a steady income, you’ll likely be forced to make lifestyle changes and perhaps give up certain luxuries, such as vacations, entertainment or unnecessary purchases. And when you lose health insurance, you may put off necessary medical care due to the cost, causing more severe health issues.

Is it Better to be Fired or to Quit?

Whether it is best to resign or be terminated depends on factors like unemployment benefits and other termination terms. In some situations, an employer may offer the employee the option to formally resign instead of termination. Unfortunately, asking is it better to quit or to be fired is not an easy question to answer.

Resigning from a job allows you to leave on your own terms. Depending on the circumstances, you may be able to negotiate a severance package. This can be extremely helpful if you don’t have another source of income as you begin to search for a new job.

When negotiating the terms of your resignation, you may be entitled to certain benefits, such as health insurance for a period of time. Another benefit to resigning is you won’t have to explain to future employers why you were terminated. Resigning from a job allows you to frame your departure in a positive manner.

Read Also: Can People Earn a Real Living off of “Gig Economy” jobs?

However, there are benefits to being terminated, as well. You are not eligible for unemployment benefits unless you are fired from a job. If you choose to resign and your company does not to offer you a severance package, this leaves you with no income while you begin to look for a new job.

Each company has different policies when it comes to terminating employees. Since there is no easy way to decide if it is better to quit or get fired, it’s important to know all your rights.

Finally

If a friend or colleague has been fired from their job, it’s important that you are there for them to remind them that they are still a valuable, capable person and that even though the situation may seem dire, they will make it through and find new opportunities. By offering support to your friend, you will help them make their transition into unemployment and eventually a new job.

Also, if you just got fired or you are trying to get a job, know that it is not the end of the world. Keeping the right attitude will help you to get over it it and over on. Utilize some of the tips mentioned above, and you will bounce back a soon a possible.