The ideal self-care routine is tailored to your own needs, schedule, and interests.
“Self-care means really listening to your body, taking moments to check in, intentionally tuning in to the thoughts going on in your mind, and challenging your behaviors and belief systems if things feel out of alignment in your life,” says Kelsey Patel, a Los Angeles-based wellness coach and Reiki instructor who wrote the book Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki, and Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety, and Stress.
You may be ready for the challenge, but acknowledging the need for self-care is one thing; really implementing a self-care practice that can improve your life, especially given how much is going on in the world outside your control, is another.
Nursing, rather than mental health, accounts for much of the study on self-care. It has long been recognized as a means of maintaining general health and preventing or managing chronic disease.
According to research, the notion of self-care is ambiguous due to the large number of distinct definitions. The authors describe self-care as the ability to look after oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being.
In practice, self-care is complex. “The way I define self-care is the intentional, proactive pursuit of integrated wellness that balances mind, body, and spirit personally and professionally,” says Paula Gill Lopez, PhD, an associate professor and chair of the Department of Psychological and Educational Consultation at Fairfield University in Connecticut, who conducts research on self-care.
It’s not just about taking care of your physical health. “Just eating healthy isn’t enough anymore,” Patel explains. “Things are moving so fast around us that we need space to self-care and slow down to rest from all the busyness in our lives.”
Just because a behavior is “good for you” does not imply it is self-care.
“I recommend finding something you look forward to for self-care,” says Stephanie Freitag, PhD, a licensed psychologist in private practice based in Brooklyn, New York, and an adjunct assistant professor at Emory School of Medicine.
That might be something that supports physical health, like a certain type of exercise, or something that’s purely for joy, like a massage or regular dinners with friends.
The common denominator of self-care practices is that you get some enjoyment out of the activity, adds Marni Amsellem, PhD, a licensed psychologist in private practice based in Fairfield County, Connecticut.
Your perspective plays a role in determining what types of behaviors constitute self-care for you. For instance, let’s say you’re new to running and you set a goal of running 10 miles per week. The act of running itself may not be enjoyable and you may struggle through every minute of it as you’re getting started.
But if you get satisfaction from meeting your goals, it could still be worthwhile. If that practice allows you to say: Look at what I did today; I’m working toward my goal and that feels good — then that counts even if in the moment it doesn’t feel like self-care, Dr. Amsellem says.
Dr. Freitag points out that certain not-so-fun activities count as self-care, like prioritizing annual checkups and keeping the house clean. Again, these things might not bring joy in the moment — not for everyone, anyway — but they go a long way in boosting overall well-being and peace of mind.
In short, self-care refers to all the steps you take to tend to your physical and emotional health in the ways you are best able to do so.
Read Also: The Role of Personal Care in Self-care and Self-love
“Good self-care involves doing the things that will help you operate at an optimal level,” says Shauna Pollard, PhD, a psychologist in private practice based in Rockville, Maryland. The activities you make part of your self-care routine should strike a balance between the activities that provide enjoyment once they’re done and the ones that bring immediate joy, she says.
Ways to Get Started With Your Self-care
Get enough sleep.
Sleep can have a huge effect on how you feel both emotionally and physically. Not getting enough can even cause major health issues. It seems simple enough and, yet, 40 percent of Americans get less than seven hours of sleep a night, according to a 2013 Gallup poll. Healthy adults should average seven to nine hours of shut-eye per night.
Move your body daily as part of your self-care routine.
Getting in at least 30 minutes of some kind of exercise—whether it’s a work out or just stroll outside—is just as good for your mental health as it is your physical. You don’t have to do it all at once either take three 10-minute strolls if you can’t do a full half hour. The most important thing is to create a routine that works for you.
Eat right for self-care.
The food we eat has the potential to either keep us healthy or contribute to weight gain, but it can also keep our minds working and alert. Some of the best self-care foods include fatty fish, blueberries, nuts, green leafy veggies, and broccoli.
Say no to others, and say yes to your self-care.
Learning to say no is really hard. Many of us feel obligated to say yes when someone asks for that dinner date. However, if you’re already stressed or overworked, saying yes to everyone can lead to burnout, anxiety, and irritability. It may take a little practice, but once you learn how to politely say no, you’ll start to feel more self-confident, and you’ll have more time for your self-care and prioritizing what matters.
Take a self-care break by getting outside.
Spending time outside can help you reduce stress, lower your blood pressure, and be more mindful. Studies have even shown that getting outside can help reduce fatigue, making it a great way to overcome symptoms of depression or burnout. Getting outside can also help you sleep better at night, especially if you do some physical activity, like gardening, hiking, or walking while you are outside.
Let a pet help you with your self-care.
From giving unconditional love to providing companionship, pets can be hugely beneficial for our self-care. Dogs especially can help reduce stress and feelings of anxiety and can even lower blood pressure. In fact, many people who suffer from disorders like PTSD have benefited from working daily with animals, which is why service dogs have become so helpful for these individuals.
Take care of yourself by getting organized.
If you feel unorganized at home or in your work space, your life can often feel organized at times. Getting organized allows you to take better care of yourself. A small change, like keeping a planner or a calendar on the fridge, can help you write down all your responsibilities and appointments, while at the same time keeping your life a bit more organized.
Make a menu for the week / Cook at home to care for yourself.
Many people don’t take the time to make themselves meals due to the time it takes but making a healthy meal for yourself and family is not only beneficial for your health but also gives you some quality family time. Even if it’s only once a week, consider making a healthy meal for yourself or your whole family. You could even look into a meal delivery service or meal kit that can help you get started. Meal prepping / making a menu for the week is also helpful so you have a plan in place, can get the items needed ahead of time, and don’t feel stressed daily wondering what’s for dinner.
Read a book.
We tend to turn to our phones or TV for entertainment, scrolling through news feeds that can contribute to our stress and anxiety rather than helping it. Instead, consider reading a book. You might be amazed at the difference it can make when you slow down instead of always looking at your phone. Not only can it help improve your mood, but it can also help you to stay more present and mindful.
Schedule your self-care time.
It can be hard for us all to find extra time. But it’s extremely important to plan regular self-care time. Schedule a time in your day whether it’s in the morning before everyone gets up, at night, on your lunch break, or right when you get home from work for your self-care time.
Write down five things every day that you’re thankful for.
No matter how bad your day is, we all have something to be grateful for – a house, car, health, family, job, dog, etc. Focusing on what you’re grateful for can help put things into perspective—and not put so much emphasis on the stress you might be dealing with.
Have a mini dance party.
Our lives are so busy and scheduled these days that it’s important to remember to have some fun! Have a dance party with your kids in the living room. Plan a pizza, popcorn and movie night with your kids at home. Do something fun.
Take five minutes to decompress every day.
It’s important to take time to just breathe. Just closing your eyes and focusing on your breathing for 5 minutes is a great form of self-care and relaxation.
Confront your negativity—on paper.
Journaling is a great way of self-care. Writing down the self-doubt, negative talk and combatting that of what you know to be true and what you’re capable of helps acknowledge the negative while not letting it overtake the positives in your life.
Have a family dinner.
Having a set meal time for family dinner whether you sit with your family, spouse, partner or alone to just enjoy your meal (not in front of a TV or with your phone) is a great way to connect with your loved ones and yourself.
Detox from technology and work.
Especially since COVID-19 and more work being from the home, it’s hard to disconnect from work and technology. It’s important to set boundaries around work emails, phone calls and texts. Set up work hours even if you’re working from home. Limit your screen time – your phone can also help with this through setting up screen time daily limits.
Enjoy breakfast.
Most days breakfast is on the run or often skipped, right? So take a day like a weekend to make breakfast and enjoy it with your family or yourself. If you have a big day coming up or a big meeting or interview, wake up a little early and fuel your body with healthy nutrients to start your day – even a piece of toast with peanut butter and banana is better than nothing!
Pamper Yourself
Whether you enjoy a hot bubble bath, wearing a face mask, doing your nails, or taking a long shower. It’s always good to spend time to pamper yourself. That doesn’t mean you have to schedule a full day at the spa, it just means spending 10-15 minutes relaxing and doing something that feels pampering to you. And men, don’t be scared of this as well! A nice hot, Epsom salt bath after a long day can do anybody wonders
Overcoming Barriers to Self-Care
If you’re having problems getting started with a self-care routine, it may be worth investigating the source of the problem. “If there is a stuckness or a difficulty getting started or sustaining some kind of a self-care program, I’d look at what might be going on,” Dr. Baker said. Some people can solve the puzzle by independent journaling, but you may need to see a therapist to get to the bottom of the problem. According to Baker, a therapist will be especially beneficial if you are constantly asking yourself, “Am I worth it?”
Prioritizing self-care can be especially challenging amid constant negative headlines, political infighting, and international crises. “Feeling overwhelmed or helpless are emotional experiences that can come from taking in constant cycles of bad news,” Dr. Pollard says.
Although it’s important to stay informed enough to keep yourself and your family safe, Pollard recommends disengaging from the news if you notice increased feelings of anger, fear, anxiety, or sadness. “You can limit the time you spend consuming the news. Avoid doom scrolling or allowing your technology to constantly interrupt you with the latest headline,” she says.
This alone is a form of self-care, but it also makes room for other activities you enjoy.
